Exams: Stress, Panic And A Sieve-Like Brain

Exams. The 5 letter word that for some reason strikes horror into the hearts of any like-minded student, bringing out a cold sweat in any but the most steel balled of learners. That causes groups of girls to burst into hysterical tears on an even more regular occurrence and whole age groups to consider alternative, easier degrees, (perhaps doing Media Studies will open up a wide range of prospective job opportunities after all...) They make even the most level-headed guy consider emigrating to sunnier climes to live out a life of solitude as a hermit somewhere where I don't have to memorise the parameters to equations used in calculating just how much human sewage can be pumped through a pipe the size of my oesophagus...It is this delightful process that I currently find myself in the dubious honour of indulging in on an all too regular basis for the next two weeks. Two weeks where potentially my future is decided based on my ability to regurgitate some key facts onto a piece of paper in some pathetic attempt to prove my everlasting knowledge of hydrology.

You might have gathered already that I do possess some distaste for examinations, due most in part to my remarkable inability to complete them successfully. It's not that I’m particularly dull, although I won’t be winning any Nobel prizes anytime soon either, it's just that when I sit down and the elderly people who seem to enjoy spending their last few days before slipping off the mortal coil of life 'invigilating' start shouting out instructions like some kind of aggrieved army officer, my balls turn to putty and my brain turns to mush.


In reality, when I’m working I will look things up if I can’t remember them...surely being a good hydrologist isn't about being able to memorise things - if so Derren Brown is surely in the wrong bloody profession. As an apt clip from the Inbetweeners summarised beautifully, “I have my revision schedule sorted, colour coded, energy drinks and pro plus on hand and I’m balancing my time well...and nothing is fucking going in!".



But perhaps I rant too much. At the end of the day, it's not even that big a deal. If I go into my Hydrosystems Modelling exam tomorrow and come out with zero, the world isn't going to stop. I won’t starve to death. In fact I have a particularly yummy bacon, cranberry and brie sandwich planned for approximately 1.30pm tomorrow so it can't all be bad. The irony is that every year students across the world, myself included, have virtual mental meltdowns over the process of sitting in front of a few pieces of A4 paper that have about as much real-life importance as a chocolate teapot.