The Plague, Slavery and Doghnuts

This week I have been on my deathbed, suffering from that well known affliction that is known to bring even the strongest man to his knees in a crippled mess, barely strong enough to even get out of bed in the morning. Man flu. Now man flu isn't like the common cold which affects women, it's much, MUCH worse. But being a man, I of course battled on through the haze that the plague had reduced my life too. Being a sensible human being I opted to this week change my travel plans from cycling to Uni, to getting back on the metro bandwagon and taking the easy option in each day, in an effort to return my health. Now I don't know much about the Geneva Convention but during rush hour they pack more people into each carriage than into a 17th Century slave cargo ship. Now chickens have a legal minimum space requirement of 750cm...I am bigger than a chicken. Shoulder to shoulder, face pressed into the back of some stranger in front I started to wish I was a battery chicken so I could spread out and enjoy the space. They think they have it tough? Chickens. I did however take pleasure in spreading the Black Death throughout the carriage, ensuring the loudest and rudest of passengers got the fullest blast of my germs.

Modern day human sandwiches

Look at all that space.

Now it is probably my own fault I succumbed to the dreaded pox. Last week I indulged in two particularly heavy nights out, and due to late hours in Uni resorted to ready meals. Now as my Grandmother tells me, if you don't eat your fruit and veg, and drink your body weight in Gin and Wine, it's your own bloody fault if you fall ill. Point taken Nan.

This week I discovered the TV series 'Heroes'. Now I don't want to be over enthusiastic but it is AMAZING! Not sure entirely where I was when it came out first time around but now my week days consist of working til late in Uni then coming home, gym and indulging in Heroes Marathons into the early hours with my housemate. I do live an inspiring life.

Today my mother is coming to visit. Now im not sure exactly what the polite thing to do is in this situation. We don't have a spare bed, do I give up mine? Currently, due to practically living in Uni, my room looks like a Military grade obstacle course. To get to bed you have to climb a small mountain, just getting over a small workout in itself. Now if I give up my room, should I tidy it? I mean that's what mum's are for right? I haven't washed any clothes for a while either maybe she can sort that out as well...

Ok I'm not that much of a tit (although the thought did cross my mind). I will blast it quickly before she comes, so at least she can see the floor and where the bed is actually located amongst the pile of clothes. I will spend the next few nights on the air bed in the study.

Next week I am popping back down to the Welshlands for a quick bout of nostalgic reunions, hence why I am working harder this week to make up for next weekend off. Another maths exam on Wednesday which I am of course looking forward to as much as the bearded man looked forward to being nailed to a cross.

One last thing before I actually finish this weeks entry and do some work, readers may be impressed to know that during one of my Post Night Out Collateral Damage sessions, I ate 12 doughnuts. I know. Impressive.

Work, Drink and Forgotten Moments

This week was my 'Off Week'. Which meant spending 10 hour days in the Union computer clusters calculating catchment averaged rainfall depths amongst other exciting water related mathematical wonders. The cycle commute in each day was going well, for one day, that was until having forgotten the everyday phenomenon of nightfall I was left chasing the few shreds of daylight back home without any lights, hitting a pot hole and realising my rear tyre had gone softer than an elderly gentleman's power tool.

Realising without lights my chances of fixing the puncture, and having stupidly left my spare inner tube back at the castle, I was left with no choice but to trudge two miles back into town, (the other option was an 8 mile walk to my house) where I chained up the bike under the watchful gaze of a sign saying 'Bike Thieves We Are Watching You'... a huge deterrent to would be thieves of my precious two wheeled Ferrari I'm sure you would agree. I had to take the metro home with my tail between my legs like a depressed puppy.

Wednesday promised to be the highlight of the week with a respite from the daily grind of work with a night out with the Newcastle Uni Kayaking bunch. The theme tight 'n' Bright, sponsored by Primark.

Now what I hadn't taken into account in my eager anticipation of this wondrous event was the 20 minute commute in by train. Dressed as a 90's gay icon pop star I was attracting all sorts of attention for entirely the wrong reasons. I was however very grateful I hadn't opted for my previous choice of fancy dress. Dressed as a giant walking vagina would have been a little too much for the gentle folk of Northumberland Park Metro Station I feel. The journey ordeal over, I finally, after some wondering around the streets of Newcastle trying to find the bar, met the rest of the guys and girls of NUCC. A great bunch, followed by a great night out. I think. It was a great night up until the point where I don't remember...I remember entering the Union in the early hours, I remember trying to convince the bouncers I was Irish when I needed to leave to get more cash and I remember getting fleeced by the taxi driver on the way home. From there all I remember is the feeling when I woke of one, feeling like a warmed up cadaver, and two, feeling I should be embarrassed about something but no idea what it was. Luckily I still can't remember so no harm done. The following day is what I like to call 'Post Night Out Collateral Damage'. I.e. I was a pathetic mess who spent the day on the couch feeling sorry for himself. What I really needed was a good dose of man up but what actually happened was way too much bacon and coffee and very little work getting done.

So to make up for this lousy day I got an early start today, in for 9 again to crack on with work. So far I have done zero work and written this. A good start.

Oh and I now have my glasses. This is a picture of me wearing my glasses.

Ok that's not me. And I just got a warning off the University network for googling 'Hunk wearing Glasses' trying to find that image. But you get the jist.

This weekend some more kayaking, some work, a night out on Saturday followed by some more 'Post Night Out Collateral Damage' on Sunday. Newcastle is going well.

Maths, Cycling and finally...some Kayaking

They said it would be hard. They said it would be intense. They didn't lie. A week into proper lectures and my brain feels like it has been stampeded by a herd of American steakeaters. The less said on this matter the better but suffice it to say maths has never been my strong point, so 12 hour days are becoming the norm to get my head around vectors, matrices and other words I hadn't even heard of until this week. That said the actual content is awesome and im loving it.

Sitting on my backside aside, or more accurately moving from one form to another, I have now switched from metro'ing it in each morning to cycling. After a 10 mile blast in, the department showers help to make me presentable for the classroom. The strange looks I get from the cleaners are perhaps due in part to my ridiculously early arrival, however it could also be my falsetto version of 'I shot the sheriff', 'Hot Chocolate' and other such gems I like to sing whilst scrubbing down.

One downside to this newly established exercise routine is my tendency to forget important items. Such as clean boxers to put on afterwards. In summer this might not be a problem, especially in shorts. However in chilly Autumn the wearing of Jeans has become more regular, and the chaffage from this left certain gentleman parts looking like a baboons backside.

A Baboons Backside

Thursday evening was spent climbing down at the local bouldering wall, where it soon became evident that although some parts of me looked like a monkey after the chaffing incident, my climbing abilities were more akin to a mammoth than our long tailed friends. The irony of nearly being mowed down by an Ambulance on the pitch black cycle home afterwards being the adrenaline highlight of that particular day. I really should re-install my lights.

Saturday came around and finally I actually got in a boat and paddled some gnar. The High Force to Low Force section of The Tees to be precise. Hooking up with the Newcastle University bunch I launched into the water with trepidation, concern mounting that my first time out with the guys would result in either extreme shame, injury or actual death. Luckily for the most part this wasn't the case and I had a cracking time. The sun actually broke through the clouds and the guys and girls of the club helped make it a great day out.

A very quick edit of the some of the days antics can be seen here:

https://vimeo.com/50935488

Sorry for the poor quality at times and poor camera work. Not much effort was made on my part to film so what is there is more what the GoPro caught unawares - I will make more effort next time. Also apologies but I only really have footage of those in front and behind me in our group!

This coming week is what our lecturers call our 'Week Off'... this is a lie. We get taught in block modules. Our weeks off involve maths tests, coursework and actually getting all the work they give us in the previous week done.

It does however provide some flexibility of morning starts so Wednesday evening I am intending to join the Newcastle Uni Kayakers for some drunken antics and bugger the early start Thursday. Although I heard a rumour the theme is tight or bright... the temptation to dress as something which may possibly be pushing the boundaries a little too far for my first social outing with the club is going to be hard to resist....

A step too far for Fancy Dress?

On a completely unrelated piece of news to anything tight or bright, I am now a fresh faced member of the four eyes club. Luckily I only need them for driving and long distance stuff so no biggy. I managed my usual putting my foot in it when, as the kind man in Specsavers recommended a certain pair to try on, I remarked that they looked ridiculous and would make me look like a middle aged accountant. Going bright red he then told me he owned those frames himself. A good day. And a good week.