But I digress, workload aside, the North has recently been mistaken on multiple occassions for somewhere deep within the Arctic circle, with snowfall turning where I live into some sort of winter wonderland, albeit a winter wonderland of cheap chinese imported blockwork suburbia. This coincided with the failing of the boiler, and my modern cardboard house was soon turned into a dwelling perfect for maintaining the ideal temperature of a Gin and Tonic, requiring the donning of pretty much every item of clothing in my wardrobe to stay alive. This had the effect of making me look like some kind of swaddled Papoose, with the cold at night leaving me wondering what had happened to certain extremeties which had retreated back inside to avoid the chill.
To further deep freeze my popsicle within my undergarments, I took a day off from work and joined the Newcastle guys for a cheeky icy paddle on the mighty Tees last Saturday. With the ground frozen and the water colder than a glacier fed waterfall, by the end of the day the only way to warm up was with a mince pie, mulled wine and by jumping around like an epileptic trout in an effort to return blood flow to certain parts of the body. But it was a great break from the work. Even better, upon my return I discovered that the heating had now been fixed in the mansion, and soon I was able to rediscover my manhood as my body slowly defrosted.
In other news, my car recently visited the car doctor as part of that annual golden requirement all fellow car owners enjoy, the big MOT. Of course being such an awesome car, that never breaks and never lets me down, it failed. This filled me with endless joy, as did the £415 bill I had to rob an old woman to settle. That said, as some past passengers will vouch for, my ABS light has been flashing for pretty much the last year - a little fact I liked to dismiss as a faulty light of little consequence. However it turns out my ABS was indeed faulty, a fact I grudgingly conceded required fixing. Two days later as I drove a little too fast considering the icy conditions of the road, I discovered that the £415 on working ABS sensors was money well spent, as I stopped short of slamming into oncoming traffic on a roundabout by about 2 mm, thanks to the aforementioned fixed brakes. Lesson children, don't be a cheapskate. Or drive sensibly.
So that's pretty much the first term over. It's Christmas time, and Saturday I packed the car and drove the long journey home back to Cardiff. The next few weeks will be solely drinking, eating and making merry like it's Santas final year on this Earth. Well, that's a slight dirty lie as I actually have shedloads of revision and even more coursework than 20 undergraduates combined, but that's a winge for another time. Meanwhile, this week I get to watch the hobbit and go paddling with Max, im not sure which one I am more excited about; the opportunity to see my Nans debut big screen role as Bilbo Baggins, or the chance to be part of an incredible dynamic duo taming the wild Welsh rivers with such panache women will tell tales of our reckless courage and bravery for years to come. All I know is that it's good to be back.
NB: No old women were harmed during the settling of the MOT bill. The author of this blog reserves the right to be liberal with the truth at any time. This was such a time.
