Secret Powers, Politics and Jungle Fever

Today was a day that will go down in history. No im not talking about the US Presidential elections, although on that note surely it was obvious that even the Americans wouldn't vote in someone who was named after an item of clothing designed to keep your hands warm...at least that is my disinterested take on it.

No, im talking about discovering my superhero ninja powers. During an innocent trip to the little boys room to relieve myself of my 5th or 6th cup of coffee of the day, whilst performing certain rituals neccessary to begin the task I accidentally dislodged my phone from my coat pocket. As this rubbish piece of technology attempted ceramic suicide, just moments before it plunged to a watery and slightly disgusting end, I swatted it to safety faster than Bruce Lee on Ritalin. I have never felt so manly. Unfortunately the result was said phone hit the far wall with the impact of a buzzard on a car windscreen and I now have a big scratch to remind me in future that with great power comes great responsibility.

I should probably clarify at this point for those who give me far more credit than I am due, the swatting was done with the hand. This is for two reasons, a) I am not hung like a horse, and b) even if I was hung like a horse, and able to swing such a monstrosity with enough momentum to bat the phone to safety, it is likely that such rapid blunt force would rupture one or both of the tunica albuginea (i.e. result in a severe penile fracture). That dear readers, is why I employed the hand. No man wants a penile fracture.

I also had a Maths exam this morning I was looking forward to about as much as Russel Brand looks forward to his monthly GUM Clinic checkup. With nervous trepidation I began the test, somehow stumbled through it and got 82%.... must be to do with these new powers.

Finally, to top off this day of all days, found out that next summer I may be off to the Democratic Republic of Congo as part of my dissertation with work, which would be incredible. It'll be like the film Anaconda all over again, African rainforest style.

And I suppose Barack Obama beating Mitt Romney for Presidency and making sure the Republicans stay out of control of the Senate is also some cause for celebration. Ok massive cause for celebration. We'll just try and ignore the depressing little fact that they were unable to retake control of the House of Representatives from the Republicans, so in reality little will change. Here's to another few years of legislative deadlock.